25 Questions to Ask Your Relatives Before It's Too Late

Your oldest living relative knows things nobody else does — and once they're gone, those things are gone too. The good news: an hour-long conversation can capture a remarkable amount. The bad news: most people never have the conversation. Here are the questions to ask.

Before you start

• Ask permission to record. A voice memo on your phone works fine. You'll catch details you'd miss writing things down.
• Ask open questions, then drill down. "Tell me about your mother" gets a story. "When was your mother born?" gets a date.
• Don't correct them. If they remember something wrong, record what they say. Memory is the source.
• Bring photos. Old family photos jog memories better than any question.

About them

1. What's your full name, including any middle or maiden names?
2. When and where were you born? Do you know the hospital, or were you born at home?
3. What was your childhood home like? Who lived there with you?
4. What schools did you go to, and where?
5. Tell me about your work — what jobs have you had?

About their parents

6. What were your parents' full names? Your mother's maiden name?
7. When and where were they born? Do you remember any of their birthdays?
8. Where did they grow up?
9. How did they meet? When did they marry, and where?
10. What did they do for work?
11. If they've passed away, when and where?

About their grandparents (and beyond)

12. What were your grandparents' names? Both sides — maternal and paternal.
13. Did your grandparents come from somewhere else? What town, what country?
14. If they immigrated, when did they arrive? Through which port? Do you know which ship?
15. What languages did they speak at home?
16. Are there family stories about how they met or how they came to live where they did?

About siblings, cousins, and the wider family

17. How many brothers and sisters did your parents have? Can you name them?
18. Did anyone have children who died young, before you knew them?
19. Were there divorces, second marriages, or step-siblings in the family?
20. Were any children adopted, or raised by relatives other than their parents?
21. Are there cousins you've lost touch with? Where did they end up?

The stories

22. What's a story your parents or grandparents told you that you've never forgotten?
23. Was anyone in the family famous for something — a job, a recipe, a saying, a feud?
24. What's the oldest object in the family? Where did it come from?
25. Is there anyone you wish you'd asked more about while you had the chance?

What to do with the answers

Right after the conversation, while it's fresh, write down anything you didn't capture in the recording. Then start adding to your family tree. The names, dates, and places go straight in. The stories — those go in the notes field on each person, so they live alongside the data.

If you don't have a tree yet, our guide to starting your family tree walks through the first week.

Don't wait

The questions above won't all get answers. That's fine. The point is to capture what you can, while you can. Most people who put off this conversation for "next year" don't get a next year. Pick up the phone today.